Rather than advising Sara on jobs or referring her to organizations like Footsteps designed to acclimate the formerly Orthodox to the secular world, Haart gives her a makeover - and a vibrator. The sequence encapsulates how the show feeds negative Orthodox perceptions of ex-Orthodox people. In one episode of “My Unorthodox Life,” an Orthodox girl named Sara reaches out to Haart for help and advice on leaving the community. Most ex-Orthodox people struggle to find their feet in an unfamiliar world and might fail if not for a network of support, both financial and emotional.

The years after I moved out of my parents’ house were fraught with emotional pain as I attempted to navigate a world completely unfamiliar to me while maintaining a relationship with my family - a far cry from Haart’s catapult to wealth and success. I left at age 25 after I had completed college and begun graduate school. I grew up in Borough Park, Brooklyn, in a community stricter than the non-Hasidic community Haart left, but not as strict as the Hasidic Williamsburg community in two other Netflix offerings, “Unorthodox” and “One of Us.” I was an oddity because I was pursuing a doctorate in English, unlike most of my peers who taught in Jewish girls’ schools or got degrees from Touro College – with separate hours for men and women – in preparation for jobs that would allow them to raise a family. It is a carefully curated and staged reality show that sets back efforts to gain Orthodox understanding of ex-Orthodox experiences.

Telling authentic ex-Orthodox stories is part of that effort, but Haart’s story is not authentic. This is untrue for most ex-Orthodox people, who simply want a chance to tell their truths. Those who leave the Orthodox community are often subject to accusations - often from gatekeepers of the life they left behind - that they lie or exaggerate about their upbringing in order to garner the sympathies of secular audiences. For half a decade now, I’ve been involved in efforts to counter negative stereotypes about ex-Orthodox people and promote openness, understanding and acceptance between those who leave and their families and communities.

All who go do not return by shulem deen